lubin' it up with the TSA, booyah

okay, so i was reading about how the TSA is allowing some stuff back on planes now and this caught my eye...

Up to 4 oz. of essential non-prescription liquid medications including saline solution, eye care products and KY jelly

er...KY jelly...now i'm assuming they are referring to vaseline here, but putting KY jelly leads me to believe they want peeps to be able to be well-lubed when they scrump on the plane.


edit: further reading of above link shows that vaseline is not allowed, so they do indeed mean to say KY Jelly. freaks!


File under: TSA + KY Jelly = good times

Taking over the world ...one papercut at a time

This caught my eye in reading one of the many articles on the latest 'terrorist' threat....

Kingsley Veal, 35, a geologist from England, said his Continental flight from London's Heathrow airport to San Francisco was "long and boring" because, under British flight restrictions, he couldn't bring any books or music on board.

Books? No books? wtf? Were the supposed terrorists planning to rip out pages of books and threaten people with ghastly papercuts? Ooh, and maybe then they were gonna pour alcohol on them, hence the whole no liquids thing. Yes. That must be it. The terrorist master plan...

Threaten painful papercuts with rubbing alcohol poured over them. oooh (insert scary music here)


...or maybe it's just better to keep people from reading because then they won't be informed....now they'll just be scared...all that time sitting on a plane with nothing to do but think how terrible things are thanks to those blasted papercut-threatening terrorists...


File under: ridiculous airport "safety"

The industry sure does know how to de-sexy someone

Before signed to a major label and looking shag-me-sexy:
http://www.savingjane.com/images/1g.jpg

After signing to a major label, looking glossy and fake and not-so-shag-me-sexy:
http://music.yahoo.com/release/30658157



File under: tragedy, Saving Jane

Restaurants with dirty floors can't be clean!

There are a lot of restaurants around here that have vats of peanuts (in the shell) in the waiting area and on the tables and the custom is to crack open the shell, toss it on the floor and then eat the peanuts, which i find totally repulsive, btw. (who wants to eat at a place with crap all over the floor?!)

I explain this oddity because I'm fairly certain these places only exist in the south and you've prolly never been in one...and I wish I had not. I was thinking about this today because my mother, everytime she is at our place, will comment on something being dirty/dusty/etc. yet she loves to frequent restaurants with peanut debris on the floor. wtf kind of sense does that make? just a thought.

Comedians - delivering news you can trust!

Dennis Miller + Fox News = not exactly a trustworthy news source.

There's just something about getting your news from a comedian...that is...well...less than trustworthy. Give me a notable author or someone similiar and I'm with ya...well not if you're Fox News, but still...

Pics of hot girls together is so effing rad...

prepare to swoon...

http://www.drawingonwalls.com/photos.htm .....

very bottom of page on the left....

from a film that just finished production.


File under: hot girls together is schweet

Oh sweet jesus, a cure for the ignorant!

I was just posting earlier about the smarts those Germans have...first they give a shout out to human rights and now this.

An anti-stupid pill. Oh bless those funny talking German bastards!

How can I get a PR job with the Max-Planck-Institute for Molecular Genetics in Berlin? I'd love to have an arsenal of those babies to pass out on the street. Or on the road! Someone trying to get in my lane...while I'm in it....I could pull out a pea shooter and hit 'em with a lil dose of 'no more stupid.' Or for those days I dread...you know the ones....when you have no choice...you have to do it...you have to go to the Wal-Mart. (insert scary music here) That's where all the stupids congregate. I think they meet up there to have little contests...see who can out-stupid who. For Wal-Mart I'd have to grind up my little nuggets of no-more-stupid into a fine powder that I could drop into the sprinkler system and rain down no-more-stupid on all the stupids. Ah, the dream. It's good. It's real damn good.

File under: hope for humanity

Yeh, cause aliens hate drugs

Apparently Penelope Cruz gives a shout-out to Scientology for being anti-drugs...of course Hitler brought Germany out of an economic depression, but that doesn't make everything all butterflies and daisies, now does it?


File under: Scientology -still a cult

Is this a good thing?

If I was a celebrity that got sloshed, pulled over for speeding while sloshed and caught with my verbal pants down cause I was bashing those pesky Jews.....would I really want Patrick Swayze having my back? What next...will Blossom pop up to say she supports Mel also?

Just something to ponder.


File under: Mel Gibson - still a hater from way back

Beaten by the Nazis! d'oh!

So, you know that the US is really dragging it's feet when Germany is ruling that an Iranian lesbian cannot be deported to her homeland because she risks facing punishment there for her sexual orientation.

Um, yeh.

Meanwhile the US is doing everything in its power to ensure that only straight couples like Star Jones and her gay husband can marry.


File under: get me out of America!

Conversion of files xif to pdf

Had to do this for work and thought some of you might need the help too...

On this page, you will find a XIF Viewer from ScanSoft :

      http://support.scansoft.com/downloads/default.asp

Enter Pagis for the program and the correct OS.

Then, on this page, you will find a free PDF printer.

After the installation, open your XIF file, select "Print" and the

"PDF995" printer.

That should do the job.

Mel Gibson - "I didn't mean to say that outloud!"

Apparently when Mel Gibson says "The Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world," and asks the arresting officer, "Are you a Jew?" what he really means is "I heart Jews, they're swell."

Idiot.

I can't wait to see what the South Park guys do with this ammo.


File under: Mel Gibson - a hater from way back, moron, ignorance, and stupidity

The conversations people have...

Overheard at a restaurant...

Guy 1: Whaddya think about the waitress?

Guy 2: She's okay.

Guy 3: Yeh man.

Guy 2: I'd let her suck my dick.

All: *laugh*

Since when do people "allow" someone to give them oral pleasure, as if it is some sort of privilege for the giver? This jackass should be thankful a woman will talk to him, much less get close enough to give him oral pleasure.


File under: stupid people shouldn't speak...or breed

A tale of two guitar stores (or A Lesson in How to Lose A Loyal Customer)

Guitar Center vs. Sam Ash

For the past couple of years, Guitar Center has been my music store of choice. I made a trip into the Sam Ash at Ontario Mills in Ontario, CA a while back and deemed it too pricey for my tastes. Guitar Center’s prices seemed more reasonable and they are closer to my house. Two electric guitars, an amp, strings, a case and other accessories later I bought a couple of microphones from them. Got them home…they were rather pitiful in quality. I returned decided to them. I get there, and spend 15 minutes waiting to return them, as none of the sales people want to deal with me when they find out I am bringing back defective merchandise, since they are paid commission. I understand that, I have worked in sales before. But I’m sorry, I you are not a good enough sales person to make money and take the hit of a return, then you really shouldn’t be in sales my friend. The guy that sold me the crappy mics is there, sees me, but instead of addressing my issue, he asks me to wait…he’s trying to close a sale with another customer. Finally, he has time for me and my little problems and I begin telling him how I got nothing but static from them and wanted to exchange or return them.

Now, the appropriate action here would have been to apologize, and ask me what he could do for me. But that is not what happened.

For the next 15 minutes, he tested out the 2 microphones. 15 minutes. 15 minutes I had to stand around. ‘check, check 1, check, check, check 1, check 1, 2, check 1, 2” Oy vey. I’d like those 15 minutes of my life back. When he is satisfied that the mics are indeed crap, he walks me back up to the register. I ask what else he has in a similar price range and the lazily points in the direction of the mic case and mumbles an unintelligible product number. I looked at him in disbelief before circling around the case trying to decide which mics he was referring to. Apparently, his legs had stopped working as he didn’t actually remove himself from behind the register to show me the comparable microphones. I think he must have gotten tired of waiting for me though, as he eventually meandered over and pointed out a set of microphones that were $200 more…each. Riiiight. Needless to say, I got my money back and booked it over to Sam Ash. It was now 45 minutes until they closed for the night thanks to my debacle at Guitar Center and I was 15 minutes away. D’oh.

Arrived at Sam Ash at 8:30pm, closing time is 9:00pm. A young guy in the mic section pointed me away from the uber expensive studio mics and to the more reasonably priced ones. Then, much to my surprise, he plugged in the mics for me to test out. I told him about the fiasco with the mics at Guitar Center, he asked what brand I had gotten there and then he looked at me in confusion when I told him. He had never heard of this brand that I had been led to believe was such a great brand. Then he showed me how the brand I was currently testing also made a $21,000 sound console thingie. Uh, yeh, the quality was much better. Sadly, they were going to cost more than the ones they tried to sell me at Guitar Center, but I got them anyways. Not only did they guy at Sam Ash knock off almost $100 each on the mics, but he gave me a free mic cable – the one we tested the mics on. He said that way I knew for sure that it worked since we tested it. This whole process – 15 minutes. 15 minutes! Better service, better product, less time.

RIP Guitar Center.

I am now a Sam Ash customer for life.

I'm going guitar shopping this week...at Sam Ash. Even though I have to drive right by Guitar Center to get there. Maybe I'll flip them off as I pass by.

File under: how to keep (or lose) a customer

My boss - the idiot

I have 3 bosses - one is the controller of the company. I just overheard him telling how he lost $10,000 yesterday playing poker online. Um, I have to work like 3-4 months just to take home that much money.



File under: idiots with too much money

Managers on a power trip - always a good time

An email I got from my boss...

I have gotten a few comments from other departments about you reading the paper at your desk. So to keep both of us from getting in trouble why don't you start reading the paper at home from 7:30-8 and get here at 8. Or something like that.

Yet, I walk by his desk and he's reading the paper...say what?


File under: hypocrisy, lousy boss, my job sucks ass

Note to Disney

Dearest Disney,

Deaths and injuries are bad for business.

Warmest regards,
me



File under: this never happens at Cedar Point!

Stupid people....they're everywhere! and blaming YOU for their fuckups

From my other half, sent from work moments ago...

so i just had one of our thoughts on things proven... i just had a girl call me and say "did you order our products today?" and I said "yes" and she said "well, is there a reason they weren't ordered on wednesday?" and i said "yes. i was missing all kinds of information" which she knew because i called her about the order i needed yesterday and told her i needed it... then i called her again today and asked her if she sent it (and she hadn't). i told her yesterday that i couldn't order without it... then i heard it, someone in the background talking to her "well i am completely out of product!" i am getting real tired of people thinking that they can pass their fucking mistakes off on me...

File under: incompetence strikes again!

Today's lesson: K is for stupid

At taco bell ordering some grease-soaked tacos and all of a sudden the girl working the register goes 'did you go see Carrot Top?' And I'm trying to order so I'm looking around trying to figure out who the hell she is talking to, if she has tourette's or what. And then she looks up at me and goes 'did you go see Carrot Top?' and I look at her like wtf? and she goes 'Your shirt, it says K is for Carrot Top' and I'm like 'no, it doesn't, it says karate chop!' wtf?

Since when is K for Carrot Top? So not only can she not spell for shit, but she can't read! She thinks carrot starts with a 'k'...a 'k!'... a 'K' ferchrissakes!

File under: ignorance, way to go 'no child left behind'

So sorry, we lost your check so we charged your account twice!

So, I noticed that a check I wrote was posted to my account twice and called the bank about it. Here is the response I got...

Thank you for contacting NetBank.

Check #1097 was represented to your account on 7/5/06 in error as a result of being lost in transit within the Federal Reserve Banking System. We have credited your account $200.00 for correction and forwarded this information to the depositing bank for further adjustment. We apologize for any inconvenience you may have experienced with this issue. If you need further assistance, please contact us. We value your business and appreciate your choosing NetBank.

While I am grateful to have my $200 back, wtf? Lost within the Federal Reserve Banking system...so it gets taken outta the account twice? Riiiight. Wonder how many poor schmucks this has happened to that never noticed it?

Note to self: keep all money in shoebox under bed. it will be safer there.

File under: incompetence